Dressing Up for the Professional Zombie Apocalypse: My Brush with Corporate Fashion Police

Well, well, well, folks. Today, I’ve got a little tale of corporate hilarity to share with you. You know, the kind that makes you scratch your head and wonder if we’ve somehow time-travelled back to the ’60s when being “different” was frowned upon.

So, I recently received an email from our dear HR department, and let’s just say it was a real gem. They were kind enough to remind me that my facial piercings – the double nose piercing and my beloved labret – are apparently landing me in the misfit category of professionalism. Oh, but it gets better! They even took issue with my eyelash extensions. Who knew that fluttery lashes were the bane of corporate existence?

Now, I initially scratched my head, wondering why my piercings and lashes could be an issue in a country that supposedly champions inclusion, freedom of expression, and individuality. But then it hit me like a ton of black lipstick – it’s discrimination, folks! A personal attack on goths worldwide! I mean, I am Gothic by culture, and this feels like a direct assault on all my gothic brethren.

HR’s email was a masterclass in passive-aggressive language, citing sections of the Company Appearance Policy and Procedure that I apparently violated. So, like any responsible citizen, I decided to delve into the depths of this policy. Lo and behold, nothing even remotely resembled my appearance as a breach. In fact, it was like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole – utterly impossible.

What’s even more baffling is that the policy seems to be directed at another department, one that deals with health and safety – something that has about as much relevance to me as a garlic necklace to a vampire. My dear HR, maybe you should review your aim before firing off those policy missiles.

So, here I am, in Europe, where I thought my voice was heard and valued, but it appears I’ve been transported back to a time when individuality was squashed. Apparently, my appearance isn’t “professional” because, in a completely non-objective manner, I don’t conform to their idea of the ordinary “plain Jane” look.

Honestly, I’m a bit offended. But fear not, dear readers, I shall yield to avoid the melodrama and humdrum of it all. Yet, let’s be clear, this is absolutely chucklesome. I may be outrageous in the eyes of HR, but I’m also just a tad bit too fabulous to fit into their bland, corporate box.

So, here’s to all you non-conformists out there – keep being fabulous, keep expressing yourself, and remember, it’s a corporate jungle out there, but we’re the ones adding a bit of spice to the otherwise monotonous landscape. Cheers to individuality, even if it comes with a double nose piercing and some dramatic lashes!