A Creative in a Box

Winter ABC Blogging: Day 1

So, every year the Afrobloggers forum hosts the Winter ABC Blogging Challenge. The gist is to blog everyday for 22 days in the month of June and adhere to a guideline for weekly leitmotifs.  I tried participating in 2019 and 6 days in, my cup of creative juice ran dry.  You would think an acclaimed writer like myself is the deity of immortal inventiveness, wrong. Let me tell you this, writing is hard, the blinking cursor syndrome is real, burnout is a thing and I am not an exception to these elements. I am in stupendous awe of the bloggers who completed the challenge. The Beyonces of blogging, the Avengers of creativity, the blogging quarterbacks, I can go-on but you see where I am going with this. This year I have decided to give it and try and see it through to the end. My blog has been going through a dry patch and this may perhaps get the ball rolling.  This marks Day 1 of the Winter ABC Blogging Challenge 2021. The irony is the theme for this week is creatives and boy don’t I just have a mouthful on this topic!

Pre-Covid 19 era I desired for time to write. I always imagined how indomitable as a writer I would become if given the time and space to churn my creative juices. George R.R Martin will have to pay homage to me. I may well throw the word ‘don’ in my name, Makaitah Don’ Rogue to add that punch for the girl carrying world literature on her shoulders.  How many times did I consider to quit my job so I can throw myself into writing? A bazillion times. How I pinned inconsistency and unfinished manuscripts on my kids, and the pursuit for livelihood? Turned out the joke was on me when boom, a global pandemic was upon us and we had to quarantine in the confines of our homes.  It was the dream, to be home and finally put in some work towards my writing. No-one warned us about the mental stamina that is required to carry us through a global plague worse, in isolation while watching the upward trajectory of dying people. The anxiety and the uncertainty of the future is torturous. Motivation is neither here nor there in such psychologically hostile circumstances.

People that I knew started dying. I wrote but not as much as I anticipated. There was a little gnawing on the edge of my mind. The haunting and eerie aesthetic illuminated by death. I dealt with a gripping paranoia of dying and leaving my kids, which led to a sleeping disorder. I hardly slept, my mind was always racing and struggled with extreme daytime drowsiness. Fatigue became the order of the day; the exhaustion was unbearable.  I remember being wide awake at witch hours watching the news. I watched every single Netflix show and hacked someone’s Amazon Prime account. Of course, I got caught and my landlord threatened to kick me out. Not so much of a smooth criminal if you are mildly depressed. I became a compulsive obsessive cleaner, which didn’t exactly tally with my low energy levels. It was a comical paradox.

Creativity entails a peace of mind and stability. The chaotic clanging noise of Covid-19 pandemic was not conducive for any sort of inspiration. While some thrived in these conditions, I struggled. I was a creative in a box, in a mental incarceration and the demise was craft in limbo. 2021 has been better and I am back to a normal sleeping routine. The days are shorter and the nights longer. Lets us see where this blogging challenge will take me, but that silver lining is blinding and promising out of the box escapades. Day 1 feels good, cannot wait for tomorrow. Until then, mask up, sanitize and remember, social distance is effective resistance.

12 Replies to “A Creative in a Box”

  1. I laugh now at how we thought staying home would let our creativity loose on the world. Give us time to do the things. The collective grief dried us right up didn’t it? Unless you somehow found a way to tell stories about the pain creatively

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Crazy times… I think the world is going to need some sort of mass counselling from trauma due to the Panasonic….

    I remember deciding nope never listening to another news update because I kept watching the death toll figures like it was scoreline of a game I had bet all my life servings on….

    ~B

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I am incredibly glad that you didn’t give in to the urge to quit your job so you can write! It’s not a good call, I’ve been there, I’m smarter now 😅. Lovely article, totally relatable!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lockdown started as a break i needed and the time i needed for my blog and with time i felt uninspired to do anything. It was a battle of pushing myself and procrastination
    Which is a bad combination lol

    Liked by 2 people

  5. In Africa we didn’t believe there was Covid, we only jump to lockdown as per what others in the first world as they say did which we in turn copy. But then, I can’t imagine for the first time in my life waking up and not having something to do than to eat, read and sleep again. It will be a national Joy to come together and pray this don’t happen again.

    You have a nice write up. Keep it up M!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It felt far fetched, noone really thought we would be affected, but it came like thunder and the trauma was crazy 😧 The redundancy and lack of motivation was depressing. I don’t recommend!

      And thank you for reading!

      Like

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