I am feeling very roguish today so allow me to go on a tangent about how I am failing to cope financially in this country. Has your bank card ever been declined at a point of sale? So you stand there having a really awkward stare down with the cashier? While other customers standing in the queue behind you suddenly develop a hybrid respiratory system, you can literally hear them sigh from 100km away? Have you ever wondered why they made the ATM interface unnecessarily huge? In the depth of despair as the gigantic words taunt you, ‘YOU HAVE INSUFFICIENT FUNDS’, what font size is that? Juggernaut font size? Is this supposed to be a fucking billboard? Where is my privacy? The epitome of rude is when the ATM spits out your bank card like it has an acute case of Chlamydia. So I get in the banking hall with the fury of the Rogue Star ready to launch world war IV, upon the unsuspecting customer care personnel. WHERE IS MY MONEY? WHAT HAPPENED TO IT? I curse you customer care with your frozen fake smiles. ‘Sorry Ma’am, but when you upgraded from your current account to the Forex account, a deduction of $45 was made and an additional $20 for the gold card’. With that fake frozen smile that makes me want to knock her teeth out. How can anyone have such composure while stealing from the struggling citizens of Zimbabwe? I read the application form ma’am with the fraudulent Brazilian hair; I was supposed to incur $20 worth of charges, not $68? These are American dollars; this is not a matter to be handled lightly. I didn’t hear the rest of it as the only thing I could hear was my blood boiling. Something about an email with the revised rates bla bla bla cripty crap crap.
So I rummage through my purse and get $2 bond coins, well that won’t stop me from getting yogurt for my caramel drops Malik and Riley. A minute later I am standing by Groom-bridge Spar, staring at the refrigerator with yogurts. I can’t seem to pick my jaw from the floor because, will you look at that?! A small tub of yogurt is now $1.80 from last week which was $0.60? I ask one of the shop attendants if this is the correct price, pretty sure this must have been a grave error made by a sloppy nonchalant employee. So there I was, stunned walking out of the shop with two tiny packets of knickknacks. I am thinking, what the hell is happening in this country? My money is either disappearing or suddenly, it is not enough for the basics that I used to easily afford myself. I am going through my Twitter feed and I read a tweet about hyper inflation at 500%. I am not sure if I am having brain aneurysm. I want to laugh and cry at the same time but mostly deep myself in butter and slither on my kitchen floor while I cry hysterically.
This country has brought me to my knees. This blog is apolitical, so I am not here to unearth any political systems and structures. I am simply saying this country is melting rexine on Satan’s ass. If this is the capitalist ruthless way of stealing from the common tax payer then Napoleon the pig and his dogs need to be brought down. Snowball come take your reign and save the farm animals. I am not the one to point fingers as I have weaved my way out of it with animal farm metaphors but we all know the elephant in the room. There are so many hints one can drop, but I hope you catch my drift? I am usually the optimist, always hoping for the best despite the monstrous atrocities we face, but today I snapped out of it. Listen, I am tired of being a pawn, I have kids who depend on me and I hate to let them down. So last night the man walked in and threw his feet on the couch. Long day? ‘We need to get outta here’ he had that Hercules thing; you know the whole I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Exhausted. I thought of South Africa, ahem no. I don’t want to end up as top merchandise for a human trafficking syndicate. Zambia could be a start, I hear a lot about the economic growth spurt. I don’t know. We sat there in silence and thought about the future.
It is like the curse of the withered hand, money vanishes every time you touch it. The economy in this little land locked country is scrapping at the bottom of the barrel. With the way the economy is free falling, I might not be able to afford data very soon. Maybe this is my last blog! I am just glad that the prices of wine haven’t gone up; at least I can wake up shit faced with my face down on the front yard lawn.