It has been the longest three months this year, while this blog acquired an astonishing amount of spider webs and became tumble weed central. I cannot recall the number of times I told myself I needed to post something to keep this site alive, but life came at me like an angry bird on a green pig. I nurtured a persistent fault finding urge for eternity. Write something dammit! A sleazy sonnet, a random thought, your day in 300 words but alas my cup of creative juices was dry and parched like an aftermath of a prolonged period of abnormally hot weather.
Masquerading as a renowned blogger when Makaitah Rogue is a ghost town is not exactly the classy mission impossible type of incognito. I am a fallacy people. This is the kind of pressure I have put upon myself for not writing for three months? So today I had an epiphany, the sudden moment of realization came to me this morning in the shower. Look, I walk around with a whirlwind of thoughts, words, mind-blowing abstract pieces all rolled up in my skull and all this just dissipates into an irretrievable spectrum of nothingness. Forgotten. Where is the passion of the blank white paper and blue pen? Having two kids both under the age of three. Yup, allow me to break it down for you. Come check out this peephole.
Look I am a mother of two beautiful terrorists that have taken over my life. Malik Chashe my 3 year old son who is the most loving person and Riley Zuva my one year old daughter who is forever smiling. These spawns of mine hauled me off my center of gravity and for most of the time I am in zombie mode. Exhausted, spent, and going through the motions of life completely zoned out. I love my kids to bits; don’t get me wrong but when your toddler son runs to you across the front yard and you look at him in near horror, spotting something in his hand. So you stand there numb with dread, with the battle in your mind. Is it chocolate or dog poo? Chocolate or dog poo? Chocolate or dog poo? And splat! It lands on your foot and an offensive rancid odor attacks your olfactory nerves. Dog poo. He hugs my legs smearing mutt excreta on my calves while squealing with joy. These human beings just dropped out of my vagina without a warning label. I mean I spend half the day at work fantasizing about my bottle of wine at home in my fridge. Its a hard day at work, probably missed deadlines, I am working like a Chinese kid in a shoe factory and the light at the end of the tunnel is that chilled SWEET LIPS Rosè. Waiting for mama to come home and ravish it. I get home and grab my gigantic wine glass that looks like an aquarium with a stem. Eager for that first kiss, I pour it into the glass, enjoying the right as rain sound of the red liquid falling into the glass. Its ultimate foreplay, my mouth is wet. As I raise my glass to meet my lips Malik slaps the glass and half the contents spill into my cleavage creating some sort of sin city valley. Riley starts screaming as she crawls up my lap reaching for my glass because she wants a sip of it too! I mean c’mon!
Nothing is unnerving as waking up at 2am in the morning to empty my bladder and spot Malik standing in the dark passage staring at me. Not groovy Malik, not groovy. What in the name of The Shining is this? A bad episode of The Exorcist? Like child if you don’t go back to bed this instant! Oh, and Riley likes to wake up at 3am to play. At 3 frigging a.m, and when my 5.30am alarm rings, it is like a defibrillator yanking me from the dead. The adage sleep like a baby is a myth. The past three moons I have adjusted to the hectic life that comes with having two toddlers under the same roof. The joys of motherhood. I can safely say, this mama bear has acclimatised. Nothing shocks me anymore. Absolutely nothing. At the end of the day it is all worth it and I will never trade these kids for anything in the world. Well maybe for a couple of million dollars. Okay, okay I am kidding. Or not?
To wrap this up, your favorite blogger is back! Back like Juvenile in 1998. Back that azz up baby. I know you missed me.