Here is the thing, a heartbreak is the most awful thing to happen to anyone. It’s a heinous assault of human emotions which leaves it’s victims devastated and in worst case scenarios, delirious. Yes delirious ( it leaves you in an acutely disturbed state of mind) This evil does not conform to emotional and mental quo but it exceeds to actual physical pain. One can physically feel the heart constrict and a block of grief lodges itself in the throat. This particular block of grief feels like the throat is closing and the only remedy is crying. Symptoms include the relentless need to cry,sob,wail,weep or hysterical howling of an asylum sociopath. Extreme cases can result in failure to distinguish the different threshold of reality from fiction. Insanity.
Heartbreak sucks! It’s part of life and I am aware we have all suffered from this kind of perpetual grief. How to cope with this kind of emotional peril is what makes us champions. From the previous blog My Worst Breakup Story I can tell you now that the only thing that can heal a shattered heart, is the passage of time. Then, I was in shambles not even Adele or Taylor Swift could conjure up adequate words to describe this kind of heartbreak in a song. I know the feeling too well, you’re convinced your life is over, nothing else matters, sleepless nights, loss of appetite. Look here, I KNOW. So here we are, heart broken, hopeless and sometimes suicidal! Well pucker up boo, I got you, take nice deep breaths, you will be alright.
Firstly it’s hard to believe a person can simply break up with you. A person whom you shared your dreams, fears and parts of yourself, that they technically had a peephole to your soul. It’s crazy, ludicrous and illogical. They hold a place in your heart and you are STILL insanely in love with them. I mean, it was crazy for me because Romeo fled the scene, literally ran off and disappeared from the face of earth. This is some epic, galactic, the movie titanic, Shakespearean tragic level of heartbreak. Denial is a coping mechanism and a normal reaction. So we tend to come up with our own reasonable ( but deluded) explanation to sooth ourselves. “He is going through a phase, he will come to his senses”, “She is probably pulling my leg”, “Nah, he tripping, imma get him back, I need my glo up to come up to make him realise.” Boo, I know it’s hard, human love is fucking fickle. One day they are willing to cross oceans for you, then the next day it’s lose my number and they are tearing down first street like Forrest Gump. First of all you are gorgeous, you’re the best partner anyone can wish for. You got dumped? Baby listen, their low tolerance to awesomeness has them jumping ship. This is not faux positivism. It’s holding your head high and saying I was too good for them anyways and enriching self value. They don’t want to be with you, it’s okay. You probably deserve better, you deserve someone who will do anything to be with you. It’s over and it is what is. Do not anticipate for a reconciliation, to be honest nobody needs that kind of instability in their life.
We got this, we are on top of the situation but remember, we are also human, we bleed. Fine, they don’t know what they lost but you’re hurting. It’s okay to hurt, it doesn’t matter how much you hype yourself shit still hurts. It is NORMAL. Cry it out if you must! Play Chris Brown’s Deuces, Usher Raymond’s Burn, wallow little King, go on and play songs that make you bleed caramel, stuff your face with chocolate and down that bottle of wine. You are not pathetic, this grieving stage is important for your come up. Sleep in his hoody and sink in his thick musk, his after shave that cologne that drives you crazy, gaze at the selfies you took, whatever you do, DO NOT CALL/TEXT THEM. This stage of grieving is your weakest point but fight the urge. You got this. Take your time, not too long though! I grieved for an entire month, before I wiped the tears and opened my bedroom windows for the first time in three weeks.
Deleting a number in your phone that you already know by head sounds irrational. Do it, it’s therapeutic and the process contributes to a sense of well being. Block them on all social media apps. Throw away anything and everything that reminds you of them. We are still very fragile and vulnerable and we need to build a fort around ourselves to avoid triggers. Next step is too surround ourselves with family and friends. Bicker with our siblings, a girls/guys night out will lift our spirits. Keep yourself occupied, we are not super humans maybe now and then there is that heart ache, that little tug that reminds you of the hole in your heart. It’s there, yes but ignore it, it’s hard. Listen to music, music is great therapy. Don’t go for that soppy play list that makes you yearn for them! Old school, fresh jams, sing along, download the Karaoke app and pretend you are Michael Jackson.
You can never quickly get over a person that you truly loved. Like I said earlier, only the passage of time mends a broken heart. But we need to take this L gracefully and be in control of the situation. We won’t take this heart break lying down, we are going to spine rip it, hack it down before beheading it with a fatal round kick. Self esteem is at play when we get dumped or cheated on. The first thing that comes to mind is, “ I was not good enough for them”, “What did I do wrong?” It’s a huge blow on our self esteem. I am telling you now, don’t ever blame yourself for anyone’s decision to cut you off. You gave your best and they had their head far up the rectum to realise how lucky they were to be loved by you. Look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I am fucking awesome” because you are. The problem is them not you, never doubt yourself based on someone’s misconception of you. Instead you indulge in some self love expeditions. Look good, you know the mantra, look good and you will feel good. Boo get a new hair do, get a fresh manicure and pedicure. Get you some fire awe-gasping dresses, spend a day at the beauty spar, grow that beard, join the gym and get that surfboard tummy. The glow up comes from within and radiates outwardly giving you the fresh to def twinkle.
This is the perfect time to tick off our bucket list. Travel around the world, paragliding, bungee jumping and as for me I am still to run my fingers on Trey Songz abs. Feel those contours….anyhoo the breakup aftermath should not suck our spirit out. In all the shambles we pick ourselves up like the kings we are. The world my reel and may feel like its slipping under our feet, but you know what? Maybe we dodged bullet! We need to wood peck this kind of mindset in ourselves. Things that we should not do, is rebound on someone because we become the monster that we are trying to get over. Take some timeout from the dating scene to recuperate. Slowly ease into the idea of your ex with someone else. Become familiar with the fact that they have probably moved on. That way you do not relapse in case you bump into them( the world is unbelievably small) Also take some time to pray, there is comfort in prayer. A soothing sensation resonates with prayer. Hope for a not so bleak future and strength to put your shoes on and move on.
Finally, they are going to call you, just when you thought you are doing great moving on. Yes, exes are some evil fire breathing hell spawns. Finally you can laugh and smile again, that is when the fateful phone call comes in. We have come so far from the day they destroyed our world and it all sums up to this phone call. This phone call can make us or break us. Listen, they know about your glow up, they heard you are doing great and looking like a snack. They begin to realise your worth, your value but it’s TOO LATE. So, they say shit things like “let’s be friends”, first of all you can not be friends with your ex. It’s like saying , hey our dog died but we are going to keep him. The dog is going to decay, with them maggots and stench. It will not work. They will say evil things like “I miss you”, “I still care about you.” Do not be easily lured by this treachery. Stand your ground, we are not a dime a dozen but a diamond. We are aware of our self worth. You know what to say. Closure is overrated, you know who you are and you don’t need some finicky explanation why a person concluded a relationship with you. It’s hard when they say all the things you wanted them to say six months ago. The devil is testing you, stay strong and remember. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
I guarantee you this, as time moves on that heartbreak becomes a dull ache that eventually fades with time. You can not take paracetamol for a heartbreak nor can you ask Will Smith in Man In Black to zap your memory. Keep your head high and remember, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.