Fitness Nightmare

For the past three months I have been leading quite an unhealthy lifestyle. I could say I have been possessed by the demon of binge eating. The levels of not giving a damn were ungodly. I carried on to stuff my face unashamedly without a care in the world. I have always relied on my fantastic metabolism to keep this body sexy and fire but sadly it has been letting me down.

That’s thing about breast feeding, the appetite is crazy the hunger pangs feels like life is seeping out of your body. I wake up in the dead of the night to devour left overs and first thing in the morning I am up in the fridge scrounging for food! I am like a rat always on the go thinking about the next thing to gorge my face into. The hunger is insatiable, wild and untameable! This other time I bought a double cheese burger and gobbled it up with two large bites. Two.Just two bites and that unhealthy heap of cholesterol was emulsifying in my gut. My oesophagus is big pimping because the rate of peristalsis is frequent and on Ferrari levels of speed. I am an ogre. 

So last Saturday I realised that most of my clothes do not fit anymore. I had to go to the lake wearing Hubby’s huge t -shirt and shorts,looking like a Teletubby. Like sponge Bob square woman. That is when I realised that I needed to do something, because this body was out of control. I looked at the mirror, this lady who stared back at me was a stranger. My gut spilling out from the tight ill fitting skirt. Ugh it was unsightly! Cutting down on food wasn’t going to be enough I knew I had work out as well. So I planed on my fitness program which began yesterday. This was not “operation dumbu must fall” from The Lamentations of a Milf. This was “operation bring my beach body back, have some dignity and stop behaving like a wilding you disgusting unruly swine!”

Yesterday 5am I was up clad in my jogging gear. The plan was to jog around the block about 400m. Then do the fitness exercises from a workout video. I was ready to bring sexy back but I was not ready for what happened next. I wasn’t even half way round the block when I felt my body shut down. I was by the road side panting like a dog clutching my chest thinking that I was having a heart attack. I didn’t care, I dropped on to my knees on someone’s front lawn. I laid there like road kill, my chest oh my chest. It felt like my lungs were a little village under siege from a pack of savages. Setting everything on fire and beheading the villagers. 10minutes later I did the walk of shame back home. I knew i was unfit but i didn’t think it was this bad!

I got home and tried to salvage of what was left of my dignity by doing the exercises from the work out video. The sit ups were a mess i had to use my elbows to get up. Tried planks, nevermind. Anyhoo, this morning i woke up my body was sore and taut. I can’t laugh, my thighs? Omg I can’t make sudden movements. I was googling about weight loss pills earlier on then i thought. Cmon! Has it really come to this? I have always been fit as a fiddle, doing them shuttles on the basketball with ease! So i have made my mind to push myself, i can do this! No pain no gain, right? This body is going down.
Determination and endurance are my friends. I am bringing sexy back! My lungs need to thug it out because it is on! So help me God. I can do this! Ok bye.