The friend that I am


You know how sometimes you won’t say anything because you know your response can come across as rude, and you are not willing to water it down? I struggle with that. Sometimes I will say nothing because I am not willing to change the initial tone of what I want to say. It’s not that person’s fault. The issue is mine and how I choose to respond, so it’s often best that I don’t. I am preventing the ugliness. It also stems from my extreme deeply-rooted hate for having to repeat myself. It’s a shame how many problems can come from being blunt, and from choosing not to be. Can’t win for losing. If we are friends, I am honest with you whether you like it or not. If I don’t know you from Jesus & Judas, I pick my position. Honest or silent. A part of why I have strong friendships is because they know I don’t pull any punches, and that’s what they look for in me when we talk. With friends, when they come to me with problems, I give them objectivity. I am not for comparing their situation with mine or anyone else’s. If I can, I try to serve as a mirror. I want them to come up with their own answers. All I can do is bounce the facts back to them. Especially if they come to me for relationship advice. I am on nobody’s side. I hold my own opinions, but I don’t have them influence him/her.

“Them: Should I leave him? I don’t feel appreciated
 Others: YES! LEAVE HIM!
 Me: Is appreciation important to you”?

You have people you can laugh with, and you have people you can experience all emotions with. For some people, I am that person they can laugh with, and they are in that same lane with me. We know we are not meant to share anything deep.Some people want love and acceptance so bad that they will bring unnecessary heartache on themselves by trying to be that universal friend. When I tell you that the truest and strongest of friendships come from just being yourself and making no apologies about it, it really does.

You meet other people to learn some lessons in life. I have had my share of people who befriended me for personal gain, fakes under the cloak of friendship who have ulterior motives and those who only need you to beef up the squad for turn ups. I have learnt to discern these kind of friendships to be able to keep them at arms length. Sometimes i have felt I don’t need that extra dead weight and cut them off entirely. At this point in my life I have come to the age of maturity to distaste gossipy petty people who don’t add value in my life. I am no longer looking for friends but business partners, motivators and mentors. I try my best to keep my circle as small as possible that sometimes I seem aloof. 

Ever tried to fit 2 pieces together that LOOKED like they belonged, but really didn’t? You’ll meet people like that. If you haven’t already. By the time you realize that wasn’t the right piece both are bent out of shape. Sometimes it’s not even a “growing apart” situation. You have to wonder what was there to bond over in the first place. Sometimes people become friends because of their circumstances not because they can relate. Some people will choose to cling to you because of a quality you have that they admire.So in conclusion are the people that you call your friends really your FRIENDS, or are you just admired by their personality and be-befriended them out of mere circumstance?


5 Comments Add yours

  1. Reading this is like staring in to a mirror! It’s so refreshing to hear your unashamed truth. Better to be “blunt” and truthful than lying and untrustworthy! I love this post, Makaitah

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Some people we call friends are actually a burden. This point you made quite clearly Maka and I agree 100%. I have learnt that I do not have friends but acquaintances in all my adult life. I only found true friendship in my immediate family members, that is My Wife and Kids. You often hear people talking about making friends which is impossible and attempting to make friends can be an absolute waste of time. Friendship comes natural and is not made like we make goods in a factory. Any friendship that is “made” is sure to expire with the passing of time. I enjoy you writing. Keep it Up!


  3. K E Garland says:

    I’ve recently had to face this issue and I’m still determining what to do about it. So glad to read that I’m not the only blunt one.


  4. K. Bellamy with a Purpose says:

    Something to ponder. I definitely will. .

    Liked by 1 person

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