5 Facts about the Scramble to Eritrea that Zimbabwean Men Should Know

There has been the famous hoax that Eritrean men have been asked by the government to marry more than one wife or risk being jailed for life. This has caused a melodramatic internet frenzy from my Zim men. Well hold your horses fellas. Allow me to bring you back to earth.

1. The Adonic gods of Eritrea

Eritrea has gorgeous men! Not only are they a sight for sore eyes, they are also known for being gentle spirits and absolutely charming. In 2014 LSV Magazine ranked Eritrean man to be the hottest in Africa http://lsvmagazineonline.com/2014/11/18/19-african-countries-with-the-most-attractive-men/ What are the chances  for an average Zim guy against these hotties? Next to nothing.
Let’s feast on some Eritrean eye candy. Shall we?

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Compared to my Zim men:

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I rest my case.

2. Language Barrier

There is an absence of communication between people who speak different languages. Making it hard for my Zim men to strike a basic conversation with the ladies of Eritrea. This alone is a female repellent. More than half of the population speaks Tigrinya. Tigrinya word endings vary according to the
gender of the person you are speaking to. It is by any standards a very difficult language to learn.

Below is an image of Tigrinya Characters:

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I rest my case.

3. Nigerian Men

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Nigerian man have flooded Eritrea as we speak. They have acquired four Eritrean wives each, leaving nothing to salvage for my Zim men. Nigerian men have superb survival skills. They don’t need charm, good looks or the need to learn the language since they are famously known to be ahem, “well hung.”

Let that sink in.

4. Economic Factors

Eritrea remains the world’s fifth least free economy. The financial system remains very underdeveloped. All banks are majority-owned by the state, and private-sector involvement in the system remains limited.

Are you prepared to up root your life and begin a polygamous journey? Can you support two families under this cold economical climate. You are still living with your parents. You probably have 6 months rent arrears. Can you afford a plane ticket to Eritrea. Can you even afford a cab to the airport?

I will leave you to ponder on this.

5. The Price for Polygamy

So you are thinking you will lead a glorious life of ménage à trois with two beautiful Eritrean beauties? Think again. Do you have the stamina to consistently and silmutaneously satisfy two females. Do you know you are going to end up using sex enhancement pills.? You will probably fail to “arise to the occasion” further damaging your ego and bruising your manhood resulting to a spell of depression. You can not even multitask, how are you going to handle the strife of two women under one roof? Double chores, double portions of in laws. Can you feel that migraine? The rest of your life buddy.

You are going to face rejection, probably broke, alone, lost in a foreign nation and unable to communicate with anyone. You will sit on the road side and sob your soul out. Go home to your mothers, don’t come back to us because we have no time for your unstable asses.

Disclaimer: This is a slanderous post to effect humour. Offence is taken, never given.

28 Replies to “5 Facts about the Scramble to Eritrea that Zimbabwean Men Should Know”

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