The nagging in your heart and the constant painful nostalgia feels like a part of you. A misplaced wedding ring? A missed call? An empty house?
The day passes by as you go through the motions as if practiced. Smile when you supposed to, speak when you are spoken to and nod your head as you pretend to listen. At lunch time u sit alone wondering what can be wrong? Why am i weary? Reflex, u pull out your phone and call him….it rings for a minute, no-one answers…you punch redial then immediately goes to voice mail. Ok. The rest of the day seems to drag by. You try calling him again and again and again…still no response.
For a moment your thoughts relapses on the day u chased each other in the rain, when he surprised you with breakfast in bed, the day he proposed when you almost choked on the ring that he had put in your muffin and his voice echoing in your mind. Unconsciously you run your fingers over the bracelet he bought for you. You can’t stop thinking about him. At very last you decide to pass by his apartment. It felt like the longest drive ever.
You miss him so bad, you want to run in his arms and tell him how much you love him! You want to tell him about the little life inside you that you had made together.You want to say yes to his marriage proposal….You are now alive you can’t wait, u even laugh a bit and imagine his eyes dancing with affection as soon as u see him.
The door is unlocked, u walk nimbly straight to his bedroom, you can feel your heart smiling. You love him so much. His playing your song! You can hear it as you approach the door, gently u turn the knob and push the door open.
Like a dream his shoes dangling, the rope like a Vulcan grip around his neck. His eyes staring back at you, dead and cold. Hung there, just a corpse. Urine staining the the crotch area of his jeans…..and your song still playing..loudly..the searing stab in your heart, the lump on your throat, yes, that was the nagging in your heart. Death. The letter on the bed, blinded by tears and what seems to be screams of your own voice, trembling you pick up the letter. It is addressed to you. You begin to read it….”my love”….before u know it…its all darkness..overwhelmed u lie faint on the bed.